Thinking out of the box, yet it's still in a box

A few nights ago, while discussing how to raise our children to be happy and true to themselves, a thought struck me: as parents, we aim to think outside the box, but often find ourselves constrained by a bigger box. Parenting is challenging in many ways, both physically and mentally, but when it comes to instilling virtues, it requires thoughtful consideration and a nuanced, layered approach.

Ideally, you want to take a pragmatic approach. Parenting is a balancing act. You want your child to be independent, creative, and true to themselves, but also to navigate and benefit from the society they inhabit. The challenge lies in reconciling these sometimes conflicting goals. But then let’s think about how society is doing. What does today’s society serve? Is it there just so people can live together in peace or is it shaped around to keep feudalism, capitalism, etc. (whichever paradigm is in charge) running?

Most of the arguments today will tell you that this is the best we have, predecessor paradigms were brutal or whatsoever. This is where the box comes into light, the outer box. Society, with all its institutions and systems, shapes what we consider normal, right, and wrong. But how often do we question these norms? Are they designed to support human flourishing, or to perpetuate a particular status quo? Maybe I was somewhat lucky to think about whether the rights or wrongs are legit, what about the people who don’t even have time to think about it anymore? That’s the environment you need to rely on and need to survive and so does your child.

So there is a box, and it’s thorny to get out of it. For some, questioning the ‘box’ is a luxury they can’t afford. Survival within the box becomes the primary focus. How do we equip our children to not only survive but also challenge and reshape the box when necessary? I don’t claim to have answers, but I believe in instilling curiosity, resilience, and a sense of justice in my child. These virtues might not shatter the box, but they can help them find their own path within or beyond it.

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